Adjusting to Life After Having a Baby: Navigating the Wonderful Chaos
Welcoming a baby into the world and into my family was an amazing and life-changing experience.
Brigham still makes fun of me that the first thing I said when Eleanor was born was, “she’s so cool.”
I didn’t know what else to say. I was so happy and excited that she was here.
But welcoming a baby also brings significant adjustments and challenges for new parents. From sleepless nights to shifting priorities, adjusting to life after having a baby can be overwhelming. (We saw this day one when Eleanor was wide awake in the hospital at 1 am. Something about newborns needing to eat all the time? 😉 Crazy.)
But fear not, Mama. With a little preparation (and a lot of patience), you can smoothly transition into this new chapter of your life. In this post, we will explore some essential tips that helped me with navigating the wonderful chaos and adjusting after having a baby.
1. Embrace the New Normal
The first step in adjusting after having a baby is to embrace the new normal. Understand that your life has changed, and it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions, including happiness, anxiety, and exhaustion.
After Eleanor was born and those inevitable hard days came, I sometimes oscillated between denial and frustration. I wondered, “What was I thinking? Why did I ever think I could handle being a mom?”
There is a scene in NBC’s The Office that, weirdly enough, helped me in accepting my new normal after Eleanor was born. In Season 5, Episode 22 ‘Dream Team,’ Michael and Pam go off to start a new paper company, and after hitting some difficult bumps in the road, Pam begins to panic.
Michael Scott: I want you to listen to me. Because I want to tell you the situation that we are both in right now, ‘kay? You quit your job. I quit my job. We both quit. Those are the facts. That’s what happened. Now, what are our choices right now? Because you know, kiddo, you quit.
TV Quotes
Pam: Yeah.
Michael Scott: So what are our options? Well, we can start this paper company. We can try. Or… that’s it. That’s our only option.
Michael’s response is strangely comforting to both Pam and me. The only option is to keep moving forward and embrace the new normal of being a parent.
Give yourself time to adjust and avoid putting too much pressure on yourself to have everything figured out from day one. Your baby is learning right there with you, so it is okay to not know everything right now.
Remember, you are not alone; countless parents have gone through this phase and come out stronger.
2. Prioritize Self-Care
In the whirlwind of caring for a newborn, parents often neglect their own well-being. I certainly did. I felt like had to ask my baby permission to shower! Just a few days old, and it already felt like she was in charge.
But remember, taking care of yourself is crucial for being the best parent you can be. It was amazing to see what a shower and a healthy meal did for my mood, even when I was running on little to no sleep.
Lean on your support system, whether it’s your partner, family, or friends, to give you some time for yourself. Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it. It takes a village to raise a mom. 😉
3. Establish a Routine
I was daunted by the thought of living by a routine as a new mom, but establishing a routine provided stability and predictability during our period of adjustment as new parents.
After a month or two, Eleanor’s schedule became predictable and repetitive. Having a routine for feeding, sleeping, and playtime was so beneficial for us as a new little family. Our routine allowed me to have a sense of control as we adjusted to life after having a baby
4. Communicate with Your Partner
Adjusting to life with a baby is a team effort; the catch is that your newest team member (your baby) might not play by the rules yet. It becomes essential then, that the team captains (the parents) learn to communicate with each other to problem solve.
Make sure to communicate openly with your partner about your feelings, fears, and needs. Share responsibilities and support each other during challenging times.
Remember that both of you are going through significant changes, and being empathetic towards one another can strengthen your bond as a couple. There is usually a lot of focus on moms during pregnancy and postpartum, but dads are also affected by the addition to the family team. Dads need the space to grow and learn in their new role, just like moms.
5. Accept Help and Delegate Tasks
It’s common for new parents to feel like they need to do everything themselves. However, accepting help and delegating tasks can lighten the load and make the transition smoother.
You are not a failure if you need and accept help. Most of the time, the people around you are eager to help you in anyway they can. Reaching out to friends and family with specific requests, such as help with older kids or household tasks, helps them feel needed and appreciated in your time of need.
Grandparents, friends, or even hired help can assist with household chores, meal preparation, or babysitting, giving you some valuable time to rest and recharge.
6. Join a Support Group
Joining a support group for new parents can be immensely beneficial. Meeting other parents who are going through similar experiences can provide validation, advice, and a sense of camaraderie.
I thoroughly enjoy being a part of my local moms Facebook group. I love hearing tips from other moms and hearing their funny stories about their kids. I love that I can organize events with families in my area and learn about new activities for my family.
Parents are a treasure trove of knowledge and comfort in the great adventure of parenting. Whether it’s an in-person meetup or an online community, sharing my journey with others who understand has been incredibly reassuring.
7. Don’t Neglect Your Relationship
Even amid adjusting to life after to having a baby, it’s essential to nurture your relationship with your partner.
Now, those first six weeks after Eleanor was born were definitely not the most romantic. Between nursing, recovering from childbirth and learning to take care of a newborn, I had no bandwidth to think about romance with my husband. And to be honest, I felt ridiculous trying to rekindle the romance when my body had changed so much with pregnancy.
But I knew that we needed a break sometimes from being “mom and dad” so that we could continue growing together as husband and wife.
Schedule regular date nights or quality time together, even if it’s just a few minutes each day. Doing something special together, even if it’s a small amount of time, makes a world of difference. I am a big fan of meeting for lunch breaks at work, picnics, scenic drives, and drive thru dates. These activities create a special time without requiring a babysitter or expensive location.
Adjusting to life with a new baby is amazing. And hard. And wonderful. Remember that each day is a fresh opportunity to learn and grow as a parent. Cherish the precious moments with your baby. Take lots of pictures. Celebrate the milestones, both big and small, that you and your baby accomplish. With time, you will find your rhythm and navigate the beautiful chaos of parenthood with confidence and joy.
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