The Sacrifices of Motherhood
Being a mom is hard.
You know the mice in Cinderella? They sing a song that reminds me of being a mom sometimes.
Cinderelly, Cinderelly
lyrics.com
Night and day it’s Cinderelly
Make the fire, fix the breakfast
Wash the dishes, do the mopping
And the sweeping and the dusting
They always keep her hopping
She goes around in circles till she’s very, very dizzy
Still they holler “Keep a-busy, Cinderelly!”
Moms do so much. I never fully appreciated how much my mom did for me growing up until I had to do it all myself. I appreciate the sacrifices of motherhood so much more because of how much my mom has done for me in my life.
As I have joined the ranks of millions of other moms around the world, I now strive to be like my mom. I strive to be proud of my role as a mom and to do my very best.
But on hard days, I have sometimes felt resentment toward my chosen role of motherhood, toward my circumstances, and even regrettably, toward my husband and daughter. I have often wondered, are these sacrifices of motherhood I am making now going to pay off?
On days when I struggle to see the value of my hard work as a mom, I often look back on my pregnancy and the lessons that I learned in those 9+ months.
Pregnancy Pains and Postponed Professionalism
From the time I found out I was pregnant, I felt the weight of motherhood on my shoulders. As my nausea intensified and body stretched, I sometimes became irritable that my husband had literally no idea what I was going through.
Like, how dare he be having a good day when I felt like a beluga whale?!?
Brigham was the best cheerleader during my pregnancy, but I was so frustrated and angry sometimes that I was the only one in our relationship that had to experience the pains and discomforts of pregnancy.
My body wasn’t my only pain point of during my pregnancy. As a student at BYU, I fell in love with journalism, and the prospect of working in that field after graduation sounded incredible. But I had made my decision: first and foremost, I wanted to be a mom.
I knew what this decision meant for me. I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. When Brigham and I spoke about our future family, we both envisioned that he would be the primary breadwinner so that I could be home with our kids.
But as the inevitability of Eleanor’s due date loomed in my future, I began to resent Brigham’s position in our future life.
Unfortunately, I began to see my sacrifices as more than Brigham’s sacrifices in our plans to become parents. I only saw my side: it was my body that took the strain of pregnancy. My career goals and aspirations put on hold while I stayed home. My college degree that would collect dust while Brigham went off into the world without me. And all the while, Brigham would still become a dad and enjoy the snuggles of a baby that would love him and I the same, despite my sacrifices to bring her into the world.
Tick, Tick, Boom.
I remember driving home to Arizona for Christmas (about 6 months pregnant) when all of these feelings finally bubbled to the surface.
I was angry.
Angry that everything hurt. Angry that my body was changing to much. Angry that my aspirations were being “halted” by my upcoming duties as a mom.
I had expressed some of these feelings before in small degrees, but with Brigham trapped in the car with me and so many things I had left unsaid in the 6 months of my pregnancy, my emotional dam broke and I let it all out.
My Lesson on Sacrifice
I half expected Brigham to be upset or frustrated. I had basically just told him how hard my life was, and had strongly implied that his life was going to be easy from here on out.
Instead of arguing though, he acknowledged the sacrifices of motherhood that I was making and the hard things that I was going through.
And then he changed my perspective on parenthood forever: he said that I was looking at our roles in our family completely wrong.
In my head, I would sacrifice my goals and autonomy to stay home, so that he could go off into the corporate world and progress in his career. He would be a professional, and I would be a mom.
But Brigham told me that he doesn’t aspire to climb the corporate ladder for his own gain and glory. Quite the contrary: Brigham’s goal is to work hard and make enough money to build us a beautiful life in which he can be present.
First and foremost, he is a husband and father, so anything he does in his career is for the betterment of our family.
His role of father is sacred to him. His personal responsibility in fulfilling that role means providing for us financially and being present in our family. And these are sacrifices that I had not realized until then. This meant finding a job that both pays well and provides some flexibility; this also meant that it might not be his dream job.
My Change of Heart
When I looked at our position from his perspective, I started recognizing our partnership in our future rather than me carrying the family on my own.
I’m definitely not perfect in this. I still sometimes wish that I could leave my home to pursue a formal career. But every time this though crops up, I come back to this lesson that Brigham taught me.
The sacrifices of motherhood that I have made will look different from anyone else’s. But I have learned that the hardest things are the most worth sacrificing for because they reap the best rewards.
So keep pushing on, mama. Your sacrifice are going to pay off.
Love, Molly
Go Forth. Go North.
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